Want to start drawing together with your child but unsure how to behave? Read how to accompany without directing, what to say and suggestions for each age.
It is Sunday morning, and once the breakfast table has been cleared, your four-year-old daughter comes over with her crayons: "Will you draw with me?" You sit down, but a few minutes later you find yourself correcting the tree she has drawn, saying "The sky is blue, not purple", or carefully trying to finish your own drawing. Your daughter, meanwhile, has long since got bored and wandered off. Many parents recognise this scene. Drawing together with your child is a shared activity that sounds easy, yet how to do it is rarely talked about. In this article we look at how you can accompany your child while drawing rather than directing them, what you can say, what you can avoid, and some small suggestions for each age.
Why Is Drawing Together with Your Child Valuable?
For children, drawing is an extension of play. While drawing, they have fun and also bring the thoughts, feelings and fantasies of their inner world out into the open. An adult accompanying this process gives it a special meaning.
Drawing together with your child can be valuable in the following ways:
- A calm way of connecting: Amid screens, grown-up tasks and the daily rush, fifteen minutes spent with your child at the same table, over the same sheet of paper, means to them: "Mum or Dad is with me right now."
- Space for self-expression: A child can show through drawing something they cannot put into words. An adult who stays beside them without judging provides safe ground for this expression.
- Self-confidence: Having what they draw accepted without correction gives a child the message that their own ideas are valuable.
- Attention and patience: Skills such as doing something from beginning to end, choosing colours and making decisions develop naturally through play.
Let us say from the outset that this is not therapy. Drawing with your child at home is part of the relationship you build with them; it is not an assessment or treatment tool. But a well-established shared activity can do a child's emotional world good.
The Difference Between Directing and Accompanying
Most adults who draw with their child direct them with good intentions. We want to teach the child to draw "correctly", to help them and to end up with a nice result. However, this help can, without our realising it, get in the way of the child's own expression.
Directing looks like this:
- "Let's draw a house; first we make a square."
- "A person's arm isn't that long."
- "Put a sun there so it isn't empty."
- Taking the child's pencil and showing them, "Look, this is how it's done."
Accompanying, on the other hand, looks like this:
- Waiting and watching to see what the child wants to draw.
- Drawing something on your own sheet next to them, but not correcting theirs.
- Asking with curiosity "What's happening here?" rather than "What are you doing?"
- When the child asks for something, for example "Will you draw me a cat?", responding to the request but then handing the pencil back to them.
A child's drawing is not waiting for your approval but for your interest; it wants to be noticed rather than corrected.
Accompanying does not mean doing nothing. Being there, preparing the materials, looking with interest, listening to what the child tells you and setting limits when needed are all part of accompanying. The difference is this: the drawing belongs to the child.
Being an imperfect role model
Some parents shy away from picking up a pencil next to their child, saying "I can't draw." Yet drawing stick figures and wonky trees beside them gives a child a valuable message: you don't need to draw well to draw; having fun and trying are enough. Saying "This cat has come out a bit funny, but I like it" about your own drawing, instead of "This is terrible", also shows your child how to be at ease with mistakes.
What to Say and What Not to Say
The sentences we use while drawing with a child are at least as important as the materials. A few small changes can transform the atmosphere of the activity.
Description instead of praise
Saying "That's lovely!" is a natural reaction and not a bad thing. But when a child gets the same response to every drawing, these words can lose their meaning over time, or the child may start drawing only for approval. Instead, you can try sharing your observation:
- "You've used lots of yellow here."
- "These lines look like they're moving really fast."
- "You were very careful when you did this part."
These sentences show the child that you have really looked at their drawing and open the door for them to tell you more if they wish. For more on the finer points of praising children, take a look at our article on praising your child.
Inviting instead of questioning
Questions such as "What's this?", "Who's this?" or "Why is it so dark?" can pressure a child into explaining. Young children in particular often draw not to represent something but for the joy of colour and movement. Asking "Would you like to tell me about this drawing?" lets the child decide whether to explain or not.
Not imposing interpretations
Comments such as "That's you, isn't it? Why are you so small?" or "You've used red, so you must be angry" amount to assigning a meaning to the child's drawing from the outside. Only the child knows what their drawing is about; sometimes they may not know either, and that is fine too. A drawing is very often just a drawing; looking for a hidden meaning behind every line can needlessly wear out both your child and you.
Not making comparisons
Comparisons such as "Your sister drew more neatly when she was your age" or "Look how colourful your friend's drawing is" can easily extinguish a child's desire to draw.
Setting and Materials: A Simple Start
Drawing together with your child does not require expensive materials or a special room. What matters is a setting where the child can experiment freely without being afraid of making a mess.
- Few but varied materials: A few chunky crayons, pastels, watercolours, large sheets of blank paper and play dough are usually enough.
- Blank paper: Colouring books can be fun too; but a blank sheet gives the child more room to put forward their own ideas.
- A corner that can get messy: Spreading an old newspaper or an oilcloth over the table cuts down on "Don't spill it on the carpet!" warnings.
- Screen-free time: A short drawing session with the phone and television switched off can be more valuable than a long but interrupted hour.
- A limit for finishing: A time set in advance, such as "We have ten minutes before dinner", makes it easier to stop.
For parents living in a flat or struggling to find time in a busy extended family, short, regular moments together are enough. A fifteen-minute drawing session after weekend breakfast or before bed in the evening can become a habit.
Small drawing games to play together
On days when you don't know what to draw, simple games can make it easier to get started:
- Taking turns with lines: One of you draws a line, the other adds something to it. At the end, you look together at what has emerged.
- A picture from a scribble: You close your eyes and scribble freely on the paper; then you try to find an animal, a face or an object in the scribble.
- Painting to music: You play two different pieces of music, one fast and one slow, and see how the lines change with the music.
- Feeling colours: You ask "What colour do you feel like today?" and make a small blob in that colour. If the child doesn't want to, they don't have to explain.
- A shared story: You divide a sheet of paper into four squares and take turns drawing a part of the story in each square.
The aim of these games is not to teach anything but to spend an enjoyable time together. If the child wants to change the game or stop, going along with them is in keeping with the spirit of play too.
Drawing Together with Your Child: Suggestions for Each Age
Every age has its own drawing language. These suggestions are not strict rules; they are intended to give you ideas.
Ages 2–3
At this age children mostly scribble, bang on the paper and enjoy feeling the paint. Chunky crayons, finger paint and large sheets of paper are suitable. The aim is not to "draw" something but to enjoy movement and colour. You can scribble along with them and make simple observations such as "This line goes round and round."
Ages 4–6
In this period children start to draw familiar figures such as people, houses and the sun. They like adding a story to what they draw. Continuing the story together by asking "What happened next?" supports their imagination. If you are looking for different ideas for the preschool years, you may find our article on preschool art activities helpful.
Ages 7–10
Children try to draw more realistically and begin to judge their own drawings more critically. The phrase "I can't draw nicely" is heard often in this period. Activities that reduce the pressure to "draw correctly", such as collage, scribble games or comic strip panels, can help. Creating a picture together by taking turns adding a line can also be an enjoyable game.
Age 11 and over
Children approaching adolescence may see their drawings as more private. They may not want to show what they have drawn in their notebook. This is a boundary that deserves respect. Suggesting more "grown-up" activities, such as going to an exhibition together or designing a shared mural or postcard, may spark their interest.
If You See Something Worrying in a Drawing
Sometimes a drawing a child makes can worry a parent: dark colours, crying figures, fight scenes or themes related to death. In this case, the first thing that matters is to stay calm.
No conclusions about a child's state of mind or experiences can be drawn from a single drawing. Scientific reviews show that the evidence for the validity of methods that aim to diagnose from drawings is very limited. A child's drawing may have been influenced by a cartoon they watched that day, a story they heard at school or simply the colour of the paint in their hand. We discuss this topic in detail in our article on children's drawings analysis.
What you can do is approach your child with calm curiosity: "What's happening in this drawing? Would you like to tell me?" Then look not at the drawing but at your child's general state. Is there a marked and persistent change in their sleep, appetite, play, friendships or school life?
It may be helpful to speak to a child mental health professional in the following situations:
- Unhappiness, withdrawal or restlessness lasting for weeks
- A marked change in sleep, eating or toileting habits
- Refusing to go to school or pulling away from friends
- Self-harming behaviour or repeated talk about death
If thoughts of self-harm or suicide are involved, call 112 (emergency services) without delay.
How Are Drawing and Play Used in Therapy?
Drawing with your child at home is a shared activity; in therapy, drawing and play are used within a particular framework as tools that help a child express their feelings. In child and play therapy, paint, play dough, the sand tray and toys are natural parts of the playroom. A child can show through play or drawing what they cannot put into words; the professional observes this without imposing interpretations and with respect for the child's pace.
During this process, regular meetings are held with the parents. In these meetings, topics such as how to accompany the child at home and how to make room for the child's feelings can also be discussed. In other words, drawing together with your child at home does not replace therapy; but it can be a habit that supports the therapy process and strengthens the bond between parent and child.
Frequently Asked Questions
My child always wants me to do the drawing. What should I do?
This is common, especially in young children, and often stems from an "I can't do it" worry or from wanting to spend time with you. You can respond to the request and then hand the pencil back by saying "Now could you draw a friend for this cat?" That way you are there for them while also making room for their own expression.
They make a real mess. Should I set limits?
Yes, setting limits is part of accompanying. Clear, calm rules such as "The paint stays on the paper and the table; we don't put it on the wall" help the child play with confidence. Preparing an area that can get messy reduces the need for constant warnings.
Is a colouring book or blank paper better?
Both have their place. Colouring books can be fun for attention and fine motor skills; blank paper gives the child more room to put forward their own ideas. A balanced approach is to make room for both, depending on your child's interest.
My children keep arguing when they draw together. What can I do?
Giving each child their own paper and materials can reduce arguments over sharing. If a shared picture is being made, simple rules such as dividing the paper or taking turns to draw help. Avoiding comparisons is important so as not to fuel rivalry between siblings.
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Eda Erkan Alapala
Klinik Psikolog. İstanbul Kent Üniversitesi Klinik Psikoloji Tezli Yüksek Lisans mezunu; bilişsel davranışçı terapi, çocuk merkezli oyun terapisi ve çocuk-ergen psikoterapisi alanlarında eğitimlerini tamamlamıştır.
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